Friedrich and I had a chat this weekend about this, and I'd love to hear what the rest of you think on this.
As children, it was drilled into us to behave in certain ways in public. Use your manners, don't push and shove, don't eat and talk at the same time, don't throw a fit if you can't get what you want, etc. What happened? I constantly see people, from the very young, to the very old, act in ways that are just plain rude and nasty.
Case in point - this weekend at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Adult humans behaving like small mammals with attitude. Pushing past each other, standing in the middle of everything, taking pictures of other people standing in the middle of everything. Giving you dirty looks if you walked between the two. Giving you dirty looks if you stood there looking at them, waiting for them to finish. One pair nearly ran over Dolly on the way to the aquarium. When I told Dolly to walk in front of me so as to be less likely to be run over, one of the women turned and said, "I wouldn't have run over your little girl." Hmmm, I think that odd, considering that you went around me moving like a freight train, and had I not said something, you probably wouldn't have seen her. Perhaps I am overly aware of personal space (one of the things my mom was a HUGE stickler about), but I still don't enjoy having someone blow by me like a semi on the highway. I also consider it my personal responsibility to make my child aware of those around her, so she isn't unintentionally rude. By training my child to think of others, as well as herself, I'm giving her the tools to have a smoother path through life, by not annoying her fellow man.
People letting their children act horribly, too. The child who nearly broke limbs on Dolly and I, when he decided he needed to hit the revolving door at top speed while we were in it. He then proceeded to be extremely rude as he crammed us through the contraption so he could shoot out the other side. He was then followed by his mother and two sisters, who ran into me while looking at the wildlife. We dodged this crew not once, not twice, but three times, while trying to enjoy the exhibit. We made every effort to be somewhere they were not, they were that unaware and obnoxious. Later, someone's young child wandered up to me, without a parent in sight, and started trying to force Dolly and I do what he wanted with an exhibit.
Here's where my questions are: Am I TOO polite? Are we handicapping our child by making her use her good manners? Do we need to let our child run amok, so she can "be like the other kids?" Do I need to shut off the voices in my head that tell me that knocking someone down to get to what I want is wrong, and just go for it, like so many other people? Because, quite frankly, being a polite human seems to be an oddity these days. I see a lot more people being totally unaware of those around them and thundering over others in the herd than I see people being kind enough to hold a door, an elevator, etc.
Maybe I'm just too aware of my surroundings, and the people in them. Maybe I need to tune out a little more, and be happier for it...
Finally, an odd moment, and my view:
Coming back to our room in the hotel, we saw a women, in a bathrobe, sitting in the floor of the hallway. We couldn't tell what she was doing there, as she was sort of hunched over, almost as if she was in tears or something. When we got a little closer, she sort of looked up at me and said, "Hello." I asked if she was ok. She didn't answer - because she was sitting there talking on her CELL PHONE. OK, does anyone else find it odd that you'd think it better to sit in the floor of the hall and talk on your phone, in a bathrobe, than to stay in your room and maybe hang out in the bathroom, if you're worried about disturbing someone else in your room? No way on earth you'd catch me sitting in the hall in a bathrobe, let alone to talk on the cell. Eep. Either I'm super old fashioned, or people are just weird...
As children, it was drilled into us to behave in certain ways in public. Use your manners, don't push and shove, don't eat and talk at the same time, don't throw a fit if you can't get what you want, etc. What happened? I constantly see people, from the very young, to the very old, act in ways that are just plain rude and nasty.
Case in point - this weekend at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Adult humans behaving like small mammals with attitude. Pushing past each other, standing in the middle of everything, taking pictures of other people standing in the middle of everything. Giving you dirty looks if you walked between the two. Giving you dirty looks if you stood there looking at them, waiting for them to finish. One pair nearly ran over Dolly on the way to the aquarium. When I told Dolly to walk in front of me so as to be less likely to be run over, one of the women turned and said, "I wouldn't have run over your little girl." Hmmm, I think that odd, considering that you went around me moving like a freight train, and had I not said something, you probably wouldn't have seen her. Perhaps I am overly aware of personal space (one of the things my mom was a HUGE stickler about), but I still don't enjoy having someone blow by me like a semi on the highway. I also consider it my personal responsibility to make my child aware of those around her, so she isn't unintentionally rude. By training my child to think of others, as well as herself, I'm giving her the tools to have a smoother path through life, by not annoying her fellow man.
People letting their children act horribly, too. The child who nearly broke limbs on Dolly and I, when he decided he needed to hit the revolving door at top speed while we were in it. He then proceeded to be extremely rude as he crammed us through the contraption so he could shoot out the other side. He was then followed by his mother and two sisters, who ran into me while looking at the wildlife. We dodged this crew not once, not twice, but three times, while trying to enjoy the exhibit. We made every effort to be somewhere they were not, they were that unaware and obnoxious. Later, someone's young child wandered up to me, without a parent in sight, and started trying to force Dolly and I do what he wanted with an exhibit.
Here's where my questions are: Am I TOO polite? Are we handicapping our child by making her use her good manners? Do we need to let our child run amok, so she can "be like the other kids?" Do I need to shut off the voices in my head that tell me that knocking someone down to get to what I want is wrong, and just go for it, like so many other people? Because, quite frankly, being a polite human seems to be an oddity these days. I see a lot more people being totally unaware of those around them and thundering over others in the herd than I see people being kind enough to hold a door, an elevator, etc.
Maybe I'm just too aware of my surroundings, and the people in them. Maybe I need to tune out a little more, and be happier for it...
Finally, an odd moment, and my view:
Coming back to our room in the hotel, we saw a women, in a bathrobe, sitting in the floor of the hallway. We couldn't tell what she was doing there, as she was sort of hunched over, almost as if she was in tears or something. When we got a little closer, she sort of looked up at me and said, "Hello." I asked if she was ok. She didn't answer - because she was sitting there talking on her CELL PHONE. OK, does anyone else find it odd that you'd think it better to sit in the floor of the hall and talk on your phone, in a bathrobe, than to stay in your room and maybe hang out in the bathroom, if you're worried about disturbing someone else in your room? No way on earth you'd catch me sitting in the hall in a bathrobe, let alone to talk on the cell. Eep. Either I'm super old fashioned, or people are just weird...
- Mood:
contemplative


Comments
The only way to fight it is to continue to teach the children we come in contact with (especially your own) manners and civility.
I see children act in public in ways that make my hair curl--and then I see the exact behavior in adults.
Sigh...
lot's of screaming amped up children - lots of pushing, not much manners. I correct other people's kids nowadays. (nicely) and I don't make eye contact with the parents, so they can't give me dirty looks for teaching their kids a few manners.
Still, there are days I wish I owned a tazer.
It's been happening for awhile. In Disneyland, for example, parents pushing strollers are a menace -- they run into people, often intentionally. My wife had to threaten someone once because she banged into her ankles more than once ...
You're right - there are few, if any, negative consequences to being rude any more. Shy of calling someone a nasty name during a job interview, people get away with stuff now they never would have in earlier times.
The Disney thing - I've come to the conclusion that it is easier for me to visit the happiest place on earth with a group of friends, rather than my family. Why? Because, when I'm there just as me, not as a mom, people acting like complete asshats is a whole lot easier to cope with. When they're irritating my spouse, and ruining the experience for all of us, including the child, the momma bear just can't enjoy herself. Too deep a desire to lay waste to the stupid people irritating the hell out of all of us. *LOL* So, I go with my friends for a visit, and the family goes a little less often. Friedrich is not thrilled with the place, as there are always WAY too many people for him (he is not good with too much noise, or too big a crowd, period), and it's extra hard when we both get irritated and just feed of the grump in each other. *LOL*
I'm one of those who is super aware of how what I am doing effects others. Sometimes it is a pain to be that way. We are trying to do the same with Josh - teaching him that there are others out there and he needs to make sure his fun doesn't interfer with theirs.
Goldenstag is right, there is no longer any consequences for being rude. Used to be public opinion held people in check, now not so much....
Yeah, there are very few consequences for people with no manners. It used to be, if you couldn't get along and behave nicely, you didn't get asked to go to parties and such. Now that bad behavior has become the norm, everyone is just up for whoever is the most "fun" regardless of how rotten they can be along the way. They're all running like a wolf pack. *snort*
How can I teach them anything if their parents don't back it up by expecting the same thing?
Bleh....
Folks, I'm of the firm belief that when you give birth to a child, you are not there to be their friend. You're there to be their PARENT. Parenting involves rules and boundries, and making your kid(s) accountable. You are not there to be their buddy, their confidant, etc. If they feel close to you, and want to share, bonus. I love the fact that Dolly wants me around to play with, etc., but she also knows that I'm the mom. I make rules and I expect them to get followed, or she'll suffer the consequences.
Lots of folks, for whatever reason, see being their friend as more important than being their parent, and that's where a lot of this stuff goes wrong. No one is going to train your kid like you can train your kid, so stop mucking about and just do the job.
Yes, I know I'm preaching to the choir here - most of the folks who read this either have kids and know their job, or chose not to have children, for a variety of reasons. Regardless of your parenting status, spread the word that folks who have kids need to be parents. If they aren't willing to do the job, they need to give their kids to someone who will, and that is NOT the schools, the church, or any other group...
As for going out in public - yes, things are overcrowded. Restaurants actually do this on purpose, as do stores. All part of making it look busy and popular. Some places, like Disneyland, never anticipated having the hordes they get these days, and have only done so much to combat it. After all, more people = more money.
Maybe that's part of the problems these days - too many people and groups concerned with making more money, and less concerned with creating a pleasant experience or atmosphere...
If my mom was anything to go on - and I think she did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself -, then the key to teaching this stuff to your kid is to support good self esteem and be a good example.
"A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally." - Oscar Wilde
* Like the folks who will call you a nasty name but then not own it when they're called on their rudeness.
I'm just going to have to work at teaching Dolly that it's ok to ask for what you want, so long as you do so in a polite way. "Gimme that" isn't polite. *LOL*
One the hardest lessons I've had to learn as an adult - how to ask for what I want... I spent so long thinking it just wasn't appropriate.